Just a Thought...

Mary Ann Nguyen

Words and thoughts and lines and colors. Welcome to my Thought Page!

April 10, 2005 - surprising love poem

Remember the Christina Rossetti poem I posted awhile back (look below). Upon re-reading it a few days ago, I realized that there was more to it! Here's the WHOLE poem.

"Trust me, I have not earned your dear rebuke, --
I love, as you would have me, God the most;
would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,
Nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look,
Unready to forego what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, though I be the feeblest of God's host,
The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with His crook.
Yet while I love my God the most, I deem
That I can never love you over-much;
I love Him more, so let me love you too;
Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such
I cannot love you if I love not Him,
I cannot love Him, if I love not you."

When I read it back then, I walked away thinking, "Yes, I love God the most and if I had to choose, I'd choose God." "So forget loving another!" But what Rossetti actually goes on to say is that because she loves God sooo intensely, that means she could never love her beloved "too much". Meaning that as long as God is my all in all, I can still love another and it wouldn't have to necessarily move to idolatry or be bad. As long as He is first. And furthermore, that it would so align with God's heart and will for me to love this other. [huh] interesting thought.

March 24, 2005 - changes

How strange that the last time I posted here was exactly a year ago tomorrow. I didn't even time it. Strange that the last post is still so perfect for this season. Strange that God Himself has not changed and yet my world has completely changed. Strange that though a world of life changes have occurred, I am still me... desperate for God, longing for Home, seeking His will. Perhaps another year will bring me to a whole nother world again. And yet, I choose that next year I'd still be desperate for Jesus...

March 25, 2004 - joy in surrender

A love poem by Christina Rosetti:
"...I love, as you would have me, God the most;
would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,
Nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look,
Unready to forego what I forsook..."

Indeed, I love God the most - would have Him and choose Him above all else.

On re-reading Passion & Purity, I am much encouraged. Elisabeth and Jim were called by God to wait, not knowing if He really called them together at all, though they certainly had affections for one another. God's purpose in their waiting was for them to learn how to surrender and to offer up themselves. There is a joy to sacrifice. You come to recognize that joy when you stop looking at the ashes but to the One you have chosen to make that offering to. It's a choice that He gives you and a choice that you made, so there is joy in that choice. Elisabeth, "We die not just to die. We die in order to live." Yes! That is the true reality. And for this reason, I choose surrender and "death".

March 24, 2004 - regaining what was lost
It's close to 5pm in the office. All is quiet because all have gone home. Working here at ISOLead has taught me more about myself - or at least - it has helped to emphasize one true thing about myself, and that is, I hate working alone! I love it when the office is full of people, bubbling over, full of youthful, lively energy... Yeah! People are the best.

I have been a faithful Xanga-writer for this whole past year. I have loved posting Xanga entries because it has meant honing my skills to write for the public: write concisely, creatively, honestly and it will draw and keep the attention of this ADD generation.

But there is something sweetly familiar about this place. There's a quietness, a sense of contemplation, a sense of anonymity, a sense of... well, I can just write. Not for others, but for myself.

A blank page, a blank slate. It's interesting that I can form words and phrases, entered here and then this expression of myself becomes available for all the world to see. I create an identity through my writing, and you happen to stumble upon this site, and here we are! You know me from what I choose to reveal about myself... So welcome to the revelation.

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Created May 1, 2002
Last modified April 10, 2005
A Lil' Ladybug Production
Copyright Mary Ann Nguyen 2003